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Strange Halloween Quotes:

I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween� -- Unknown

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
William Shakespeare, Witches in Macbeth

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid, there were rules to the art of door-to-door extortion. Kids today don't even know that they're going about Halloween all wrong. - Robert Kirby

Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many. - Robert Kirby

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Your Halloween HorrorScope

HORRORSCOPES

Ascaryus (Jan 20-Feb 18): This Halloween looks to be a scary one for you. But before you go around crying, "Ooooh, I want my mummy! I want my mummy!" think about this: You want more lovin�, right? Well, if you run around like a scaredycat, you will, to quoth the raven, "Neverscore."

Pieces (Feb 19-Mar 20): Vampires are evil, hypnotic people who will emerge in the night and drain you. Sounds like someone I used to date. You need to be careful because you may have closed the metaphoric coffin lid on a relationship, only to find that this person will rise from the graveyard of your heart to worm their way back into your life. One word of advice from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer": A vampire can only come in if you invite them.

Scaries (Mar 21-Apr 19): You've got to pick up every stitch this Halloween because, unless I miss my guess, it must be the Season of the Witch. If only every holiday could be commemorated with a bad Donovan song. Wouldn't it be great, on Thanksgiving, to sit around the table, giving thanks for the bounty we are to receive by singing a rousing round of "Mellow Yellow"? That is truly the most horrifying thought you can be faced with this Halloween.

Tarot (Apr 20-May 20): Sure, you ladies have been looking for some lovin'. But you don't want to go for just any Tom Dick and Harry. And heaven forfend you go for any Jack you find, especially when that Jack is some hollow-headed grinning gap-toothed idiot. But then again, despite his weird exterior, if you look inside, you'll see a flame burning bright. This might be the season of the witch, but if you try not to act so witchy and look past the odd exterior, you'll find hidden depths in the ugliest places.

OnlyOneEye (May 21- Jun 20): Horror is in the eye of the beholder, whether that eye be bloodshot and yellow, peering at you from the shadows of the night, or whether the eye is a horrible dismembered giant radioactive eye. What is truly scary? A werewolf? A werewolf is not so much a horrible half-man half-beast as a chronic undershaver. A headless horseman is just the victim of a particularly bad hair day. In much the same way, you can find the brighter side of anything that comes your way, no matter how horrific or annoying.

Dancer (Jun 21-Jul 22): Scary is relative, and we don't just mean your crazy relatives who threaten to come visit for six weeks, but rather the idea that whereas a movie with monsters made out of cardboard boxes and paper mache may have been the scariest thing you'd ever seen when you were eight, it now looks like crap. You must get over your initial fears of a new project or relationship; although it seems insurmountable now, if you stick with it, you will eventually be able to overcome it.

Tao (Jul 23-Aug 22): Frankenstein's monster was, of course, made out of the parts of a couple dozen other people, which must have been hell when it came to custody hearings. Nothing's more awkward at a family reunion than having one-tenth of Cousin Harry show up at the buffet. You, too, feel like you're being pulled in twenty different directions, but you'll soon receive the jolt you'll need to get on your feet again.

Vertigo (Aug 23-Sep 22): Pity the poor skeleton who wanders around on Halloween, looking so unfashionable in all-white a full two months after Memorial Day. Of course, he can't help it, and he is actually successful in the love department; after all, he is "ribbed" for her pleasure. This week you'll find that you attract more flies with honey than even dead zombie flesh, and being inherently nice to the opposite sex will make them flock to you like vultures to a skeleton.

Webra (Sep 23-Oct 22): Zombies are pretty well-known for trying to suck the brains out of people's heads. As was every high school algebra teacher I ever had. Coincidence? Considering that those people were always pale on the point of being green, had trouble communicating more than moans and incoherent screams, and had awkward, stumbling walks down the hallway, I think it's lucky I escaped without some horrible "Night of the Living Dead scenario." You escape a horrific fate worse than death , if you can steer clear of boring people at parties.

Scareio (Oct 23-Nov 21): You think you're being slick, but the truth is that you're like a ghost; people can see through you, and all the noise you're making is more effective scaring small children and dogs than actually doing anything. It's time to leave your old haunts and take care of that grave matter that's all your vault.

Sekeltarious (Nov 22-Dec 21): Boo! Scared ya!

Capricandycorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): You're in the zone this week! The Twilight Zone, that is, and it's going to be a creepy thrill ride with an incredibly ironic twist at the end that serves as a commentary on our mixed-up Cold War nuclear society. Don't let the creepy situations you get yourself into this week get you skittish. Let them get you Skittles; why not go Trick-or-Treating? It's fun to dress up, get given stuff, and not have to give ten percent to a big guy named Huggy Bear. And Halloween candy doesn't count as calories!

==================================

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ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER - YOUNG - PLAYING WITH DOLLS! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/120209.html

PUNISHMENT FOR NASTY CHILDREN - SLIDE INTO TIGERS CAGE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/120212.html

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==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - STRANGE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES - PUMPKINS - JACK-O-LANTERNS

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100281_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange "Senior" Personal Ads Gleaned from Florida Papers - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/120160.html

A Poem of Retribution - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/120162.html

Things That Make You Feel Good - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/120172.html

Strange Golf "Quotes" - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/120182.html

- 3 Halloween Poems - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25045.html

Halloween Groaner - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/21959.html

- Halloween One Liners ! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/25047.html

- Halloween Quickies - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/25041.html

Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/22378.html

Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21610.html

- Scary Halloween Story - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/25042.html

Strange Items to Pass Out at Halloween - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/22013.html

Halloween Humor - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/20466.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES - PUMPKINS - JACK-O-LANTERNS

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/121_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Baseball - http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks - http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals - http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Tornados - Lightning � Snow Storms - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Summer vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

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Strange "Sports" Quotes:

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to Prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Accident Claims in England

These are some daft things whcih have been written on Insurance claim forms

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?

A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo

"I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind".

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"While proceeding through 'Monkey Jungle', the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in 'Monkey Jungle' clutching radio aerial."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it".

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plans all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

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BIG HOLES IN THE GROUND - STRIP MINING - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/108881.html

APPLICATION FOR GRANT OF AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/107490.html

KITEBOARDER IN SYDNEY HARBOR WITH COOL RAINBOW! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/5796.html

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==================================

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==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

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==================================

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http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

NEW * Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ - NEW*

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Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

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Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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Strange Quotes About "Fools"

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~ Douglas Adams

You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected. ~ Gerald Barzan

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. ~ Josh Billings

A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him. ~ Nicholas Boileau

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. ~ Frank Dane

A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave. ~ William Drummond

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Clever Translations

For more than 30 years, New York magazine has run a contest in which contestants take a well-known foreign language expression, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression. Here are some favorites.

Harlez-vous fran�ais?
CAN YOU DRIVE A FRENCH MOTOCYCLE?

Cogito Eggo Sum.
I THINK; THEREFORE I AM A WAFFLE.

Rigor morris.
THE CAT IS DEAD.

Repondez-vous s'il vous plaid.
HONK IF YOU'RE SCOTTISH.

Que sera serf.
LIFE IS FEUDAL.

Posh mortem.
DEATH STYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS.

Pro Bozo publico
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CLOWN.

Ap�s Moe le deluge.
LARRY AND MOE GOT WET.

Haste cuisine.
FAST FRENCH FOOD.

Veni, vidi, vice.
I CAME, I SAW, I PARTIED.

Mazel ton.
TONS OF LUCK.

Aloha oy.
LOVE; GREETINGS; FAREWELL; FROM SUCH A PAIN YOU SHOULD NEVER KNOW.

Visa la France.
DON'T LEAVE YOUR CHATEAU WITHOUT IT.

L'�tat, c'est moo.
I'M BOSSY AROUND HERE.

Cogito, ergo spud.
I THINK, THEREFORE I YAM.
(OK, more than 1 letter.)

Veni, vidi, velcro
I CAME, I SAW, I STUCK AROUND.
(OK, another exception.)

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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NASTY THUNDERSTORMS COMING - DANGER! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/119576.html

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STRANGE STREET PERFORMERS - "AFRO"BATS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/119853.html

STRANGE AIRPORT TAXIWAY - BE CAREFUL! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/119967.html

STRANGE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER - WHAT A FACE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/119968.html

STRANGE ELEPHANT ACT - CIRCUS 1938 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/119969.html

SPRING BREAK - MEN - WATCH OUT! - BEER GOGGLES! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/119970.html

STRANGE LIL' KID - GOT INTO MOM'S MAXI PADS! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/119982.html

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HUGE "GUPPY" AIR TRANSPORT - NOSE GEAR COLLAPSE! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/120035.html

AIRCRAFT CARRIER - FLATTOP - US NAVY - LOOKING DOWN AT THE BOW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/120041.html

STRANGE PIZZA DELIVERY CAR - MERCEDES WITH FLAMES! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/120108.html

STRANGE TATTOO FACE - COLORS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/120121.html

BASEBALL BAT FLIES INTO THE CROWD - DUCK! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/120122.html

AMAZING MILITARY FLYOVER - TEXAS AGGIES FOOTBALL STADIUM! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/120124.html

LADIES - STILL SMOKING? STRANGE NO SMOKING CAMPAIGN - BURNT LIP! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/120126.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Strange Advertising - Magazine Ads - Newspaper - Fliers - Pamphlets

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==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

College Football in the SEC - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/119964.html

Global Warming - The Real Truth......... - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/120117.html

Actor / Actress Put Downs - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/20633.html

Strange Deep Thoughts - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/20574.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Strange Advertising - Magazine Ads - Newspaper - Fliers - Pamphlets

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/101_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

NEW * Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/ - NEW*

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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==================================

Quotes About Fashion:

Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn. - Gore Vidal

"Women's fashion" is a euphemism for fashion created by men for women - Andrea Dworkin

Never in the history of fashion has so little material been raised so high to reveal so much that needs to be covered so badly - Cecil Beaton

Fashion is in a terrible state. An overdose of too much flesh. - Geoffrey Beene

The difference between style and fashion is quality. - Giorgio Armani

Art produces ugly things which frequently become more beautiful with time. Fashion, on the other hand, produces beautiful things which always become ugly with time. - Jean Cocteau

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - 19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

==================================

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==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

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==================================

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Golf Explained - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/119822.html

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Woman Batters Boyfriend With Baby! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/119956.html

Warning For ALL Women - This is NO Hoax! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/119959.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

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==================================

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Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

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Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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Strange "I'm Not Very Bright" Quotes

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. - Marshall McLuhan

I never know how much of what I say is true. - Bette Midler

I have nothing intelligent to say. - Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.

I am not denying anything I did not say. -Brian Mulrooney

I really didn't say everything I said. - Yogi Berra

I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people. - Keanu Reeves

My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave. -Burt Reynolds

I'm no actor, and I have sixty-four pictures to prove it. - Victor Mature

Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most. - Steven Tyler

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Top 15 Slogans Rejected by Motel 6

Top 15 Slogans Rejected By Motel 6


15. Because your neighbor's wife deserves better than the backseat of some car.

14. As seen on COPS.

13. If we'd known you were staying all night, we'd have changed the sheets.

12. Not just for nooners anymore.

11. We left off the 9, but you know it's there.

10. You rented the room, now buy the video.

9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for the hooker.

8. We'll leave the Lysol for ya.

7. Hey! We're not the Ritz but, just try bringing your secretary there on your salary, pal.

6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery BETTER.

5. It's Hookerrific!

4. Official lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins.

3. Blurring the line between stains and avant-garde sheet art since 1962.

2. Cheap and easy, just like your sisters.

1. We put the Ho in Hotel.

==================================

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NEW ARMY RIFLE UNVEILED - THE M-18 ELITE - THE FUTURE OF WAR? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/119829.html

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THE "REAL" CHEAP SEATS - NO BLEACHERS FOR US! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/119842.html

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==================================

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==================================

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Strange Questions & Answers - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/119828.html

==================================

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==================================

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Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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Quotes & Beer Theories

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I
feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the brewery and all of their
hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and
worry about my liver."
-- Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
spend time with his fools.
-- Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading.
-- Paul Hornung

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Great Truths About growing Old

When I was younger I hated going to weddings...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

*Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

*Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

*Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

*You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

*You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

*One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

*Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'till the thought goes away.

*God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

*I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

*Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

*Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

*Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.

*Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

==================================

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MOTORCYCLE GIRLFRIEND WANTS YOU TO SLOW DOWN!!!!! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/119696.html

BLONDE FINDS HER FIRST PAIR OF "CROCS" - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/119697.html

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==================================

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==================================

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Strange Business Facts - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/119816.html

==================================

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==================================

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NEW * Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/ - NEW*

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Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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Strange Quotes About "Music"

"Assassins!" - Arturo Toscanini, to his orchestra

"Anything too stupid to be said, is sung." - Voltaire

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley

"Cute little babies that fall out of swings - These are a few of my favourite things."
- Oscar Hammerstein, working lyric for "My Favorite Things", The Sound of Music

"2,400,000 Americans play the accordian - hopefully not at the same time." - inside a Pepsi cap

"Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian." - H. L. Mencken

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 12 Reasons Working in a Cubicle Sucks

" A Dozen Reasons Why It's A Bummer Working In A Cubicle! "

1. Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the @#$%? box all day!

2. Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.

3. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.

4. That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

5. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6. My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

7. Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.

8. Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.

9. 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

10. Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

11. When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

12. Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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"Katie's Revenge" Tattooed on Forehead of Convicted Murderer - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/119647.html

Farmers in China Hire Strippers to Attract Crowds at Funerals - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/119650.html

Why is the English Language So Strange? - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/119652.html

QUIZ - Are You Ready for College? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21521.html

==================================

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==================================

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NEW * Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/ - NEW*

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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Strange Quotes

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." Henry Youngman.

"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" Steven Wright.

"Monica Seles: I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night." Peter
Ustinov. (grunt)

"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them." - Steve Martin

"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women." Groucho Marx

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Answering Machine Greetings

ANSWERING MACHINE

1. Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

2. "Suicide Hotline...please hold."

3. Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.

4. Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

5. (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message.

6. Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

7. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

8. "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

9. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

10. Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

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Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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