Monday, April 25, 2005
Sex Studies-Sex Addiction
Addicted to SEX ? It Isn't Love … By Larry Axmaker EdD, PhD
Most people have sexual feelings, sexual relationships, and the occasional sexual fantasy. For others, sex is the focus of their entire life. They may be addicts, sex junkies, or sex dependent.When someone even mentions sex addiction, there is often a general response of giggling and jokes. "Can you give me her phone number? What a way to go!" But when the laughter goes away, sexual addiction is a serious and destructive dependency.
Most people have sexual feelings, sexual relationships, and the occasional sexual fantasy. For others, sex is the focus of their entire life. They may be addicts, sex junkies, or sex dependent.When someone even mentions sex addiction, there is often a general response of giggling and jokes. "Can you give me her phone number? What a way to go!" But when the laughter goes away, sexual addiction is a serious and destructive dependency.
Many of the characteristics are similar to dependencies on drugs, gambling, or alcohol. The sex addict substitutes unhealthy relationships and destructive activities for positive behavior patterns. There is an immediate high and mood altering feeling. It isn't romantic, and often is not very satisfying or fun. The sex addict is out of control. There is no intimacy, love, or commitment - just sex. Sexual behaviors become a substitute for intimacy, for a few seconds.
Sex Addiction Quiz:
Answer yes or no to the following statements. If you answer yes to one or two you probably have a dependency problem. If you answer yes to many or most of the statements you have a health and social problem that you need help to manage and overcome.
I am often preoccupied with sexual thoughts and romantic daydreams.
I sometimes feel guilty about my sexual behavior, afterwards.
I wouldn't want anyone to know about some of my sexual activities.
I have had multiple sexual relationships going on at the same time.
My sex drive is very strong and often controls my behavior.
Orgasm is a high and I often masturbate.
I spend a lot of time engaged in phone sex or Internet sex.
I have had sexual relations with persons I hardly knew (one night stands).
I have paid for sex or have been paid for sex.
I have bought and collected pornography.
What are the Risks… Mental, Physical, and Social?
The sex addict is at risk in many areas, but may see the risk as part of the thrill.
The addict is at risk of contracting a number of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) including AIDS.
Depression and guilt often follow a sexual binge; attempted suicide is common.
The addict may get arrested or fined for public displays of illegal behaviors.
The addict may be abusive to others or be the target of abuse.
The addict may be out of control and rejected by friends and co-workers.
The addict may not be able to hold a job or maintain a family.
The addict often struggles to lead a double life - job and family on the surface, and out of control sex compulsion hidden underneath.
I sometimes feel guilty about my sexual behavior, afterwards.
I wouldn't want anyone to know about some of my sexual activities.
I have had multiple sexual relationships going on at the same time.
My sex drive is very strong and often controls my behavior.
Orgasm is a high and I often masturbate.
I spend a lot of time engaged in phone sex or Internet sex.
I have had sexual relations with persons I hardly knew (one night stands).
I have paid for sex or have been paid for sex.
I have bought and collected pornography.
What are the Risks… Mental, Physical, and Social?
The sex addict is at risk in many areas, but may see the risk as part of the thrill.
The addict is at risk of contracting a number of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) including AIDS.
Depression and guilt often follow a sexual binge; attempted suicide is common.
The addict may get arrested or fined for public displays of illegal behaviors.
The addict may be abusive to others or be the target of abuse.
The addict may be out of control and rejected by friends and co-workers.
The addict may not be able to hold a job or maintain a family.
The addict often struggles to lead a double life - job and family on the surface, and out of control sex compulsion hidden underneath.
What Behaviors Put You At Risk?
A large percentage of sex addicts were physically or sexually abused as children.
Very lonely people are at higher risk for becoming addicted to sexual behaviors.
Loss of a loved partner can trigger addictive behaviors.
Some sexual behaviors may seem strange and bizarre, but by themselves aren't necessarily proof of sexual addiction. If the behavior continues and comes to dominate your life, then you probably have a compulsion or addiction. A majority of sex addicts regularly binge on their particular sexual behavior until they are physically and emotionally exhausted. Then, they feel depressed and worthless until the next binge.
Symptoms to watch for include:
Constant fantasizing about sex and sexual gratification
Trying to seduce coworkers and acquaintances
Anonymous or public sex in restrooms, alleys, parks, etc.
Compulsive masturbation, at least several times daily
Touching strangers inappropriately (called frotteurism), often in crowded public places like bus stops
Exhibitionism - such as displaying sex organs or revealing dress
Paying for sex on a regular basis
Exchanging pain with sexual partners (called sadism and masochism)
Molesting children or animals
Rape and other unwanted sexual advances
Sexual attraction to objects, clothing, or body waste
Phone sex and computer sex, often culminating in masturbation and orgasm
A large percentage of sex addicts were physically or sexually abused as children.
Very lonely people are at higher risk for becoming addicted to sexual behaviors.
Loss of a loved partner can trigger addictive behaviors.
Some sexual behaviors may seem strange and bizarre, but by themselves aren't necessarily proof of sexual addiction. If the behavior continues and comes to dominate your life, then you probably have a compulsion or addiction. A majority of sex addicts regularly binge on their particular sexual behavior until they are physically and emotionally exhausted. Then, they feel depressed and worthless until the next binge.
Symptoms to watch for include:
Constant fantasizing about sex and sexual gratification
Trying to seduce coworkers and acquaintances
Anonymous or public sex in restrooms, alleys, parks, etc.
Compulsive masturbation, at least several times daily
Touching strangers inappropriately (called frotteurism), often in crowded public places like bus stops
Exhibitionism - such as displaying sex organs or revealing dress
Paying for sex on a regular basis
Exchanging pain with sexual partners (called sadism and masochism)
Molesting children or animals
Rape and other unwanted sexual advances
Sexual attraction to objects, clothing, or body waste
Phone sex and computer sex, often culminating in masturbation and orgasm
What Can I Do?
Get help for yourself or someone you care about. It can be difficult or embarrassing, but do it before it is too late.
12-step programs, based on the Alcoholics Anonymous model, are available in most large communities. Individual therapy or inpatient treatment is available. Ask your doctor for help and appropriate referral sources. Support groups exist in many areas.
What is the process of recovery?
Recovery is a long-term process and may never be completely over. Typically, recovery programs take several years and ongoing maintenance may last a lifetime. Steps and stages of recovery can include:
Awareness and acknowledgement of the power of the addiction. "I think I might have a problem."
Making the decision to change, often triggered by a crisis. "The addiction is seriously disrupting my life."
Shock, conflict, and relapse. It isn't easy.
Grieving. When the denial stops and behaviors change, there is a lot to grieve about.
Repair and renewal. Changes in behavior and improvements in relationships.
Growth, improved relationship skills, and the ability to develop healthy, intimate relationships.
Where Can I Get Help?
Many addicts never seek help … it is too embarrassing, too threatening, or just too difficult. More men than women seek help, but the actual numbers of addicts is unknown. Sexual addiction is not easily admitted.
Sexual Compulsions Anonymous (SCA) is a nationwide group providing support and referral or click here
Check the telephone white pages; ask your doctor or therapist, or seek out individuals who have already joined a support group.
Ask your doctor for a referral.
Self-help is up to you. Read books, talk with trusted friends and family, and build your self-confidence.
Sex addiction can ruin your life and that of your family and friends. You can stop that from happening.
Ask your doctor for a referral.
Self-help is up to you. Read books, talk with trusted friends and family, and build your self-confidence.
Sex addiction can ruin your life and that of your family and friends. You can stop that from happening.
Sources:
1. These Are the Characteristics Most of Us Seem to Have in Common. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous.
2. Putnam DE. Addiction/Compulsion. sexualhealth.com. 2001.
3. Batz J. Strung Out on Sex. healthymind.com. 1998.
1. These Are the Characteristics Most of Us Seem to Have in Common. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous.
2. Putnam DE. Addiction/Compulsion. sexualhealth.com. 2001.
3. Batz J. Strung Out on Sex. healthymind.com. 1998.
Available online at: http://www.healthymind.com/s-strung-out.html
© 2003 - 2005 Wellsource, Inc.
Disclaimer: This information is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis of specific medical conditions. You should seek prompt professional medical attention if you have a particular concern about your health or specific symptoms.
