Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Vol 528 - Oct 12, 2006 - Great Truths About growing Old

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

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Quotes & Beer Theories

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I
feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the brewery and all of their
hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and
worry about my liver."
-- Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
spend time with his fools.
-- Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading.
-- Paul Hornung

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Great Truths About growing Old

When I was younger I hated going to weddings...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

*Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

*Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

*Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

*You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

*You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

*One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

*Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'till the thought goes away.

*God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

*I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

*Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

*Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

*Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.

*Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

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