Friday, February 04, 2011

Stupid Signs


Friday, February 05, 2010

World Cup 2010 ... Team Strategies Prt.1 of 2

Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you acting on your best behavior
Turn your back on Mother Nature
Everybody wants to rule the world ...

I think when it comes to FIFA World Cup that song does applies.

Remembering that song performed by Tears for Fears back in 1985 and I was already 12 years old and about to be a freshman in Secondary School. I was at an age where I was still very active playing football and very crazy about it . . now in 2010 I still am!

Whoever wins the tournament gets to be the best in this planet and gets to brag about it for 4 more years before another repeat contest happens. The contenders came up some brilliant game plan and if any of you share the same enthusiasm as me then you would also find them to be HILARIOUS but TRUE!!!

So what how what's the plan? ... How do they hope to achieve it?

The England national football team represents England ... daah!

England is the joint oldest national football team in the world, alongside Scotland, whom they played in the world's first international football match in 1872.

England football fans are relying theirs hopes on David Beckham ... he's unreliable and hopeless.

But among these men will try for England ...

And their team team strategies as I was informed will be the usual orthodox style ...

More ...

France played its first official match in 1904 and was one of the four European teams that participated in the inaugural World Cup in 1930. They are one of eight national teams to have won the competition, which they did in 1998 when they hosted the competition.

When Michelle Platini was playing his football team was the best that France produced but not the most successful ... Who says so? ... ME!!!

Proof ... Platini's team challenged and worried every strong team they had to face and won most of them. And even when they did lose everyone could see that only luck was not with them. Performance wise they were more consistence.

While Zidane's 1998 team played well only on home turf but elsewhere like Japan they where crap ... kicked out like trash the moment they started their contention ... A JOKE and big waste of time.

We won't be seeing Zidane and his fellow overrated ex-Madrid Galacticos friend Mr.Beckham playing in South Africa ... thank God but it's a relief for me to see that Nicolas Anelka, Franc Ribery and Patrice Evra will be there taking part for the French team.

How will the French masterminds plan to capture The Word Cup ... probably like this


Thursday, January 18, 2007

Vol 556 - Jan. 18, 2007 - The Official Moron Test

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

Or, Search any Other Destination! http://www.strangetravel.com/

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." - Anonymous Manufacturer

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there." - Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson, football coach

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Official Moron Test

The Official Moron Test

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?

4. How many outs are there in an inning?

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark?

11. A butcher in the market is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?

13. What was the President's name in 1960?

Here are the answers:

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
...Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
....One (1). You can only be born once.

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
....Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.

4. How many outs are there in an inning?
... Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
...No. He must be dead if it is his widow.

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
.... Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
.Two (2). You take two apples, therefore YOU have TWO apples.

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
.....One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has passed.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
.... Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses have on the ark?
..... None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark.

11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?
.... Meat ... that is self-explanatory.

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
..Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? Twelve. It's a dozen.

13. What was the President's name in 1960?
..Georgw W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.

So, how did we do?

13 correct.........GENIUS...you are good.

10-12 correct....ABOVE AVERAGE...but don't let it go to your head.

7-9 correct........AVERAGE...but who wants to be average?

4-6 correct..........SLOW...pay attention to the questions!

1-3 correct..........IDIOT...what else can be said?

0 correct......CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON!

==================================

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HUGE MINING TRUCK IN DANGER - ALMOST OVER THE CLIFF! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/121923.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE - TWO FRONT WHEELS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/121926.html

STRANGE "PUSHER MOTOR" FOR ROLLER BLADES! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/121927.html

WATCH OUT! - STRANGE PELICAN TRIES TO "SWALLOW" LADY! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/121928.html

HUGE WHISKERED WALRUS WITH HIS "FISH" BIRTHDAY CAKE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121975.html

FIREMAN WITH PRIORITIES - LUNCH! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/121978.html

STRANGE POLICE "PARKING ENFORCEMENT" MOTORCYCLE - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/121992.html

STRANGE OLDE FLYING MACHINE - 2 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/122007.html

STRANGE TRUCK DRIVER! - 29 TRAILER 'ROAD-TRAIN' SETS RECORD IN AUSTRALIA - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/122009.html

FLYING SEAL ABOUT TO BECOME SHARKS LUNCH! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/122027.html

STRANGE LIFE GUARD - HE MUST BE A REAL 'CARING' KINDA GUY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/122031.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Strange Products - Gimmicks - Items - Inventions

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/100475_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

After 6 Years, Navy Captain Gets Parking Ticket Justice - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/122083.html

Eager Teaching Prospect Re-evaluates Position - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/122084.html

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==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Strange Products - Gimmicks - Items - Inventions

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==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

NEW * Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/ - NEW*

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Vol 556 - Jan. 18, 2007 - The Official Moron Test

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

Or, Search any Other Destination! http://www.strangetravel.com/

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." - Anonymous Manufacturer

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there." - Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson, football coach

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Official Moron Test

The Official Moron Test

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?

4. How many outs are there in an inning?

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark?

11. A butcher in the market is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?

13. What was the President's name in 1960?

Here are the answers:

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
...Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
....One (1). You can only be born once.

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
....Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.

4. How many outs are there in an inning?
... Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
...No. He must be dead if it is his widow.

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
.... Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
.Two (2). You take two apples, therefore YOU have TWO apples.

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
.....One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has passed.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
.... Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses have on the ark?
..... None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark.

11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?
.... Meat ... that is self-explanatory.

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
..Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? Twelve. It's a dozen.

13. What was the President's name in 1960?
..Georgw W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.

So, how did we do?

13 correct.........GENIUS...you are good.

10-12 correct....ABOVE AVERAGE...but don't let it go to your head.

7-9 correct........AVERAGE...but who wants to be average?

4-6 correct..........SLOW...pay attention to the questions!

1-3 correct..........IDIOT...what else can be said?

0 correct......CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE ASIAN HOUSEBOAT - COOL! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/121682.html

HORSE WITH BEAUTIFUL BLONDE MANE! PARIS? - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/121777.html

SHOW JUMPING HORSE FALTERS - THROWS RIDER OVER HIS HEAD! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121840.html

STRANGE TOILET SEAT COVER - SCARY GARGOYLE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/121904.html

ORANGUTAN WITH A LOLLIPOP! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/121906.html

STRANGE MILITARY RADAR PLATFORM - SBX SEA BAND X BASED RADAR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/121916.html

STRANGE OLDE PIX - THE ORIGONAL STREET SWEEPER ? ((B&W) - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/121920.html

HUGE MINING TRUCK IN DANGER - ALMOST OVER THE CLIFF! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/121923.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE - TWO FRONT WHEELS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/121926.html

STRANGE "PUSHER MOTOR" FOR ROLLER BLADES! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/121927.html

WATCH OUT! - STRANGE PELICAN TRIES TO "SWALLOW" LADY! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/121928.html

HUGE WHISKERED WALRUS WITH HIS "FISH" BIRTHDAY CAKE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121975.html

FIREMAN WITH PRIORITIES - LUNCH! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/121978.html

STRANGE POLICE "PARKING ENFORCEMENT" MOTORCYCLE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121992.html

STRANGE OLDE FLYING MACHINE - 2 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/122007.html

STRANGE TRUCK DRIVER! - 29 TRAILER 'ROAD-TRAIN' SETS RECORD IN AUSTRALIA - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/122009.html

FLYING SEAL ABOUT TO BECOME SHARKS LUNCH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/122027.html

STRANGE LIFE GUARD - HE MUST BE A REAL 'CARING' KINDA GUY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/122031.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Strange Products - Gimmicks - Items - Inventions

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/100475_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

After 6 Years, Navy Captain Gets Parking Ticket Justice - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/122083.html

Eager Teaching Prospect Re-evaluates Position - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/122084.html

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==================================

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==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

NEW * Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/ - NEW*

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Sunday, January 14, 2007

Vol 555 - Jan. 15, 2007 - Beer Label Warnings

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

Or, Search any Other Destination! http://www.strangetravel.com/

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Celebrity Quotes:

Have you been playing a long time?� -- Queen Elizabeth II, to rock legend Eric Clapton

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test� -- Prince Philip

I can do anything you want me to do as long as I don't have to speak� -- Linda Evangelista

I catnap now and then...but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time� -- Martha Stewart

I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day� -- Linda Evangelista

I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to� -- Linda Evangalista

I don't think about anything too much. If I think too much� -- Pamela Anderson

I feel my best when I'm happy� -- Winona Ryder

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada� -- Britney Spears

I like most of the places I've been to, but I've never really wanted to go to Japan� -- Britney Spears

I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes� -- Mariah Carey, on death of King of Jordan

I never knew a guitar player worth a damn� -- Vernon Presley, to his young son Elvis

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Beer Label Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. (Apparently this has happened to several people?!)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

==================================

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==================================

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STRANGE ATTACK HELICOPTER - BUG EYES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121918.html

AMAZING COMPARISON - HUGE 747 vs. SINGLE ENGINE PRIVATE AIRPLANE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/121919.html

STRANGE OLDE PIX - ONE ROOM SCHOOL HOUSE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121922.html

THE ULTIMATE "SHOTGUN" WEDDING - TANK! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/121924.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - TRUCKS - SUV'S - SEMI'S - CUSTOM - 4X4'S

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100002_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Woman's Bra Stops Bullet - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121871.html

Strange But Very Important Information (Sort of) - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/121874.html

Max Strangeness! - The 2006 Darwin Awards! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/121878.html

Actual Responses to Bozo Attorneys - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/21124.html

Actual Medical Charts - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/112929.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - TRUCKS - SUV'S - SEMI'S - CUSTOM - 4X4'S

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/117_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

NEW * Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/ - NEW*

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Vol 554 - Jan. 11, 2007 - Strange Things People Put on Their Job Applications

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Thoughts to Ponder:

Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?

Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

Does peanut butter really have butter in it?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Is the fear of flying groundless?

What would you use to dilute water?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Things People Put on Their Job Applications

These are from actual resumes:
"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them
know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity,
and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and
lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have
never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every
morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three
previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment,
I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at
least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore
and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the
application of more rarefied facets of financial management
as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my
employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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NEW * Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/ - NEW*

NEW * Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ - NEW*

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Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Vol 552 - Jan. 4, 2007 - Strange Quiz For People Who Know Everything

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

Or, Search any Other Destination! http://www.strangetravel.com/

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Answering Machine" Messages:

Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

Suicide Hotline...please hold.

Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.

This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there... (Long silence...) BEEP

This is 321-1234, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Quiz For People Who Know Everything

"A Quiz For People Who Know Everything"

(1) There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

(2) What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

(3) Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

(4) Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

(5) What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

(6) In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

(7) Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them.

(8) There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?

(9) Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?"

(10) There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls-a walk-is one way. Name the other six.

(11) It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it?

(12) Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter "S."

"Answers To Quiz"

1. Boxing.

2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. Baseball.

5. Strawberry.

6. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

7. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.

8. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

9. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west.

10. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner.

11. Lettuce.

12. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings.
..Well, now you know! Feel any smarter?

==================================

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==================================

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STRANGE FEMALE BODY BUILDER - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/121561.html

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SCARY 'AFLACK' DUCK! - FAMOUS SHOWER SCENE FROM PSYCHO! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/121573.html

STRANGE BRIDGE STUNT - ON TOP - SPREAD EAGLE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/121565.html

STRANGE MINIATURE CHEESEBURGER & FRIES - - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/121591.html

STRANGE NASA VEHICLE? - GOOFY PARADE FLOAT - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/121604.html

STREET BASKETBALL AT SUNSET - COOL PIX! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/121605.html

==================================

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==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

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2007 - 77 Things You MUST Know About the # 7 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/121657.html

Strange Newspaper Headlines - 2006 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/121662.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - SHIPS - BATTLESHIPS - AIRCRAFT CARRIERS - SUBS

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==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Sunday, December 31, 2006

Vol 551 - Dec 31, 2006 - New Year's Resolutions for Pets

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

Or, Search any Other Destination! http://www.strangetravel.com/

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Father Time" Quotes:

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. - Hector Berlioz

Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time. - Margaret Bonnano

Time is the substance from which I am made. Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire. - Jorge Louis Borges

Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them. - Dion Boucicault

Oh Time! the beautifier of the dead, adorer of the ruin, comforter and only healer when the heart hath bled... Time, the avenger! - Lord Byron

One life - a little gleam of Time between two Eternities. - Thomas Carlyle

Take care of the minutes, for the hours will take care of themselves. - Lord Chesterfield

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - New Year's Resolutions for Pets


New Year's Resolutions for Pets

1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

2. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

3. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

4. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

5. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.

7. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

8. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

9. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

10. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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NEW * Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ - NEW*

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Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning � Tsunami�s - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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